SNOOOOW!!

We had a gorgeous wintry day here.  The girls were so excited to get outside and play in the snow.

Turns out they were actually more interested in EATING it.

The fun thing about snow is that all of the normal stuff you do outside suddenly becomes a new and exciting adventure.  Ivy made snow angels.

I love that she squeals with delight the whole time she’s making it.  Such pure JOY.

Lucy couldn’t quite figure out the snow angel making process, but she had fun.  Mostly eating snow.  Walking in the snow.  Looking at the snow.  Knocking it off of things.

 

As we tromped around the yard and neighborhood, we found the first signs of SPRING!

I know I’m ready for it to get here!

From off the beaten path,

Dena

 

I’m Back

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve logged in.  I almost forgot my password.  My really super secret one.  For real.  It’s harder to remember than my passwords for my bank accounts.  I guess I’d rather someone logged in and stole my money than stole my thoughts.

Since the last post, life has been good.  There’ve been ups and downs for sure – the normal things in family life.  New words (actually – pronounced AHK-SHOOLEY), new bumps (right on the noggin!), new skills (reading), and a few new decisions (to move to a cheaper place).

Life as mom is like an obstacle course – up, down, over, through, under, now swim!  Ok, run, crawl, shimmy, DUCK! And fall on the ground panting at the end savoring the bumps, bruises, scraped knees, and screaming muscles.

Not that MY life is EVER that physical.  I only use that as a metaphor for the way I’m always changing gears.  First we’re playing, then we’re fighting, then we’re loving, then we’re hungry, then we’re poopy, back to playing and oh, now we’re tired….

It’s a game of trying to always stay one step ahead.  And most days I do alright.

I’ve found several tools along the way that are a tremendous help.

Simple Mom

She’s funny, she’s sweet, she’s simple, and she has fantastic ideas for not only surviving, but enjoying this job we call motherhood.  She’s a little drop of sanity in my crazy soup.

Me Time

This is essential.  I HAVE to have some me time.  It doesn’t really matter what I do with it – as long as it doesn’t involve the computer, my cell phone, laundry, or cleaning supplies – it is absolute HEAVEN.  I do yoga in the morning, followed by some inspirational reading and meditation.  Right now I’m working through Daily Om by Madisyn Taylor.  A great way to start off your day.  I squeeze in a little something in the afternoon – it’s very short, but maybe just a few deep breaths before starting up my computer for the afternoon work session.  The evenings are nice and quiet and I can find time to either journal or read.  Although I’m also happy to forgo the me time for a little us time with my hubby.

Friends

A day spent with friends is like water to a thirsty person.  It doesn’t matter what we do, it’s just so much more fun.  As all of us have gotten busier and busier and our gatherings have become fewer, I’ve realized just how important this togetherness is – to me AND to the kids.  The kids learn to play with others and share their toys.  They also get the adventure and excitement of playing with new toys, in a new place, or look at the old stuff in a whole new way.  Sometimes we have these get togethers on neutral territory so no one person is left with the aftermath and on those days there’s a whole new type of fun to be had.  And for the moms?  Total bliss.  The children laughing and screeching for joy while we enjoy each other’s company and conversation.  Sharing in our struggles and our wins, laughing through the rest because really, what else can ya do?

A JOB

This is another important part to my sanity.  I don’t think I really realized how good it is for me until today when my boss and I were chatting and talking about the stress that we were each dealing with in our lives at the moment.  Hers was mostly client related because she deals with them directly.  Mine was two-year old and lack of exercise related.  Totally different worlds.  So when I come to work and the aforementioned two-year old is sleeping peacefully in her crib, I heave a sigh of relief and relax a bit as I sit down to work.  The ability to use my brain and have someone else tell me what they want done (well, I guess I get that all day, but she doesn’t whine or scream at me at the top of her lungs) is a great respite from having long conversations that wind around from the doll’s latest get-up to what to feed dragons to how to properly play the game “Blast Off”.  It’s good for my brain and my self-esteem.  I remember there’s an intelligent adult somewhere under here.

Spiritual Study

This is something I’ve always done, though mostly alone.  Recently however, we have been lucky enough to find a wonderful group of people that we feel a deep connection with.  We go to church with them (WHAT?! ME – IN CHURCH!?! – Ok, more on that on my other blog The Drive Through Christian in a few days.  It should be a good one so be sure and check it out.), and then we have weekly small group meetings to just talk.  The topics vary and are chosen and presented by our pastor.  The kids are tucked in with a movie for the evening and the adults dig deep for the meaning of life.  It’s a great reminder that there’s something much larger out there, that we are loved in so many beautiful ways, and that others often struggle with the same things we do.  We’re truly not alone.  And if you’re interested, we’ve been going to the North End Collective Church.  They have a website and a podcast.

So this is what I’ve been doing.  What my family has been doing.  We’ve found a rhythm that feels good to us, that supports our needs and wants, that allows growth.  That provides structure as well as space for spontaneity.  Unfortunately, I’ve left blogging out of that ensemble.  I didn’t mean too and I’ve realized of late that I DEARLY miss it.  It was my go-to for creativity, for releasing pent-up feelings, ideas, and frustrations, and I just let it fall to the side like an old used sock.

What I’ve realized is that those things – creativity, feelings, ideas, and frustrations – if they’re not released, they just build up inside of us.  And I was starting to feel like I might just BURST open if I didn’t start letting some of them out.  So this is my attempt to start doing that again.  To allow myself to create, to take my pen to paper (or my fingers to keys as it were) and see where they take me.

I once learned a phrase that has stuck with me – “I’m Back”.  I was taught to use it anytime my head was spinning in the clouds and I was feeling overwhelmed.  It’s useful for grounding yourself and getting back into the moment, for reminding yourself of where you’re at and what you’re doing RIGHT NOW.  It’s also known that you will use this over and over and over again, because no matter many times you come back, you will also stray away.  It’s an ebb and flow.  So, I’m Back.  Again.

Do you ever feel like there’s something inside of you – just waiting to come out?  Are you BURSTING at the seams?  Share it.  We’d all love to hear about it.

Thanks for still being here,

Dena

Be True, Be YOU

Given the opportunity, most people would say that they want to better themselves.  They want to take the steps to become the people that they were meant to be.  They want to do the things they’ve dreamed about for years and years.  But how many people ––how many of YOU––still have dreams burning inside you that haven’t come true yet?  Or dreams that have been so long buried you’ve completely forgotten what they are?

So what’s the problem?  Why do we allow these dreams to pass us by?  And what are the consequences for allowing them to die?

Two weeks ago I was working at the first annual AY Live event, held in beautiful downtown Charleston, South Carolina.  As some of you may recall, I work for Kris Ward of Abundant Yogi.  I’m a virtual assistant.  My daily tasks range from customer service phone calls and emails, to social media posts, weekly reporting, slide creation, and scheduling.  For this event I was in charge of all of the incidentals – the food and drinks, chair rental, contract negotiation, and a few other miscellaneous items.  Upon arrival, my supervisor Amber and I hit the ground running.  We loaded 2 cars full of everything we would need for an entire weekend event, plus our personal bags and computers, all of Kris and her husband Kraig’s personal items, and two dogs and their paraphernalia.  And all of that had to go down a big flight of stairs to get loaded up.

Then it was off to downtown Charleston.  When we arrived, we had to unload all of said items from the car as quickly as possible so we wouldn’t risk a parking ticket or melted pumpkin ice cream.  The first would have been a bummer.  The second, a tragedy.  Then it was up to the 2nd and 3rd floors.  Thank God for elevators.  And freezers.

Once everything was unloaded and generally stored in the right areas, we got started.  Now, I have never hosted, planned, coordinated, set up for or frankly had anything to do with an event like this before.  So, you can imagine my feelings of “What do we do now?” when we walked into the space.

The space is gorgeous.  It’s a huge loft apartment.  However, to make it into an event space for 35 people, we had some rearranging to do.  The bed and dining table had to go.  The couches had to be rearranged.  The rented chairs had to be set up.  We needed music, and the ability to play a DVD.  Food and drinks had to be brought in and set up.  Then there was all of our materials for the event.  By 3:00 Amber and I were dead on our feet and getting a little “hangry”––a word somebody coined that weekend––a nasty combination of hungry and angry.

We took a break for a sandwich and some coffee but we were still feeling the strain.  The pressure was on to make this an AWESOME weekend for these ladies.  To absolutely out-do ourselves in every way.  But finally at 6:00 they started arriving and we could relax, because at that point, it was game ON and there was nothing more that we could do.

It was SO amazing to see everyone.  Eleven of these ladies I had met at the retreat back in May, so it was great to reunite and chat a bit.  The other 15 or so women I hadn’t actually met but had communicated with via emails and phone calls and some I was friends with on Facebook.  I knew their kids’ names and what kind of soup they had made for dinner.  I felt like I already knew them and we were just one big happy family.  I relaxed a bit more.

The night kicked off with a talk on Lifestyle Design.  What is that?  Well, just what it sounds like – YOU design YOUR life.  You make conscious choices about where you want to live, and what you want to do.  You design out your perfect day starting with what time you get up, what you eat for breakfast, who you see during your day, every single thing you do that totally lights you up, all the way to the end when you decide what time you go to bed and what thread count your sheets are made of.

Seriously, the more details, the better.

The idea is that you make this very conscious list of what you want and then not only consciously start working toward it (want to live in the mountains?  Go look for a house.) but your subconscious also starts working on it and the Universe (or God if you prefer) lines up with you to help you make it happen.

Sounds pretty easy really, and it is.  This is how those dreams become reality.  We’ve all seen people do it.  Hell, I’ve done it a number of times.  So why are there so many un-lived dreams?

How many of us have had one or several or ALL of these excuses?

• I can’t.
• I don’t have the money.
• I don’t have the time.
• When the kids get older.
• When I’m in better shape.
• When the weather is nicer.
• I’m not smart/skinny/pretty/handsome/talented enough.

You get my drift.  We’ve all got excuses about why we can’t do things.  But if we keep listening to those excuses, we might actually start to believe them and then a part of us will die.  Without a dream, or worse – with a dream un-lived inside of us – we start to see the world through a very negative set of eyes.  We see a world in which dreams don’t come true, and life is hard and ugly, and where we can’t do anything and we have nothing to offer to the world.  That’s not a pretty world, nor is it a happy mental space to be in.

And that’s what Kris does.  She’s a Lifestyle Design Coach.  She works with people to help them figure out the whats and wheres by asking questions and listening to the answers carefully.  Then she gives them a good kick in the ass and makes them get rid of their excuses so they can do it.  Sometimes it’s not pretty, but more often, it’s just having someone that holds them accountable that gets them moving. People get on the road to fulfilling lifelong dreams and they are happier, better people for it.  And once they’ve fulfilled one dream, the next one comes faster and easier, and then the next, and the next… and the cycle continues from there.

Many of the hour long presentations covered business-y type of things, but a few really stood out to me as things that EVERYONE needs, regardless of what business (or even lack thereof) you’re in.

Amber Kinney – my supervisor and organizational GENIUS – presented on just that: Organization and Time Management.  She talked about how to use some really great systems like Google calendar and Google Docs; Basecamp for managing big projects; Skype for communicating cheaply and easily; and several others.  But the core of her talk was what struck me -

It’s not about managing TIME, it’s about managing YOURSELF WITHIN TIME.

Hmmm…. ever looked at it that way?  Because really, time just marches on, doing its thing – it’s our ability to flex and bend, to prioritize and focus, that makes time work for us.  So she taught about that – prioritizing.  Knowing what is MOST important to you and then DOING it FIRST.  Giving 100% of yourself to the task until it is complete, and then relishing in the accomplishment.

She also gave tips on setting up daily rituals – really taking care of YOU so that you can really be present, feel your best, and just start, transition, and end your day on the right foot.  Each of these should nourish mind, body, and spirit.  A great example of a morning ritual would be:

• Body: drink water and exercise
• Mind: journal and meditation
• Spirit: inspired reading to reinforce the intention for each day

The focus through all of her talk was what makes YOU feel good, what helps YOU to feel organized and productive, hence allowing YOU to be the best YOU you can be…. see the theme beginning to blossom here?

Jessica Boylston-Fagonde at Brand Thyself came to the stage with an intensity that about blew me away.  Her business is to nail down––INTO ONE WORD––your core ESSENCE.  What differentiates you from them.  One word.  That’s it.  And then from there you can build and expand.  She works typically with Yoga teachers but is expanding into other similar holistic-minded businesses.  You could tell by watching her she wanted to grab each and every one of us and have a full two hour session to find each person’s essence.  However, we had only given her about 45 minutes.  So she had to pack it in.  To brand a yoga teacher (massage therapist, acupuncturist, etc…) is to find their personality and what makes them, well THEM.  This isn’t a thing, this is a person you’re selling – yourself.  You have to go as deep as you can and find that one thing that resonates with you at your core because with that pinpointed focus, you will attract the EXACT people to you who will LOVE your style.  It’s genius.  She’s a genius.  And again, the theme was Y-O-U.

Do you see the pattern here?  This was a build-your-business type of conference with a theme of Increase Velocity While Decreasing Tension.  Meaning, get where you want to get faster and easier.  But even in that, you’ve got to know WHERE you want to get which means you’ve got to know YOU.

This was really a workshop on getting to know yourself.  My little realization about halfway through.  That’s really what this is all about.  The fact that so many of us don’t REALLY know who we are.  We don’t know what we want to do, what lights us up, what our true genius is.  It seems to be an illusive gift bestowed upon the few rather than the many.  And why is that?  Why do so many of us walk through life not knowing what should be the simplest answer in the world?

Is it the false expectations put upon us by parents/peers/colleagues/society?  Is it fear of failure?  Or fear of success?  Yes, yes, and yes.  And all of these sprout from one place – Monkey Mind.

Kris talks a lot about Monkey Mind.  We’ve all got it.  It’s that constant chatter that’s going on in your head.  It might tell you you look fat, you’re stupid, or maybe it’s not quite that negative but it cautions you against trying anything that’s not “normal” or it worries unnecessarily about things that are completely out of your control.  It sucks the juice right out of you leaving you drained and empty, with no energy left for passion and reality.

The “cure” for monkey mind?  Well, there’s really no such thing, but anytime you catch yourself there, you say, (getting this straight from Kris)

“Thanks Monkey Mind for that little tidbit.  I’m HERE now and doing THIS.”

And then you have to just feel super present – in the moment.  Take a look at what is ACTUALLY going on around you.  What is your body feeling at that moment?  If you were spacing off worrying about a test you have coming up that day while eating your breakfast, come back to that yummy breakfast and taste it, smell it, see and feel it’s textures and colors.  Maybe broaden your awareness to your surroundings – the room you’re in, the sounds you hear… just be PRESENT, and then Monkey Mind fades away.

In that space left by Monkey Mind there is room for dreams, room for YOU to begin to shine.  And the more you dream and the more you shine, the more YOU will BE.  Simple as that.

We wrapped up the conference on Sunday with a talk from Hilary Rubin, a phenomenal coach and yoga teacher talked to us about Radical Self Acceptance.  She speaks from experience – she came from a broken (VERY broken) home, she had tremendous health problems.  She wanted to crawl in a hole and die.  Instead she stepped up and from her experiences and her life, she now leads other women to transform enormous pain and suffering into “pure, vibrant energy.”

She inspired each of us to be RADICALLY, UNAPOLOGETICALLY, UNABASHEDLY us… to live life fully and without regrets because those regrets manifest themselves – sometimes in diseases, or maybe a broken marriage, or maybe some other way.

So each of these women, these beautiful, talented, fully self-expressed women encouraged us to just be us.  To be true to that and then KNOW in our heart of hearts, that everything else would be PERFECT.

This quote from TUT, a daily inspirational quote service that I subscribe to, says it in such an awesome way: (put your name in for mine)

When you look into the mirror, dena, do you look for what you love the most?

Do you look for me?

Do you smile?

Did you just ask, “Is there any other reason to look into a mirror?

Smartie,

~ The Universe

I came back from the weekend tired, but fully aware of my own short-comings when it comes to being really and truly ME.  I have journaled about it and thought about it at length, and in some instances really let myself shine.  Last Thursday night’s yoga class was one of my best because instead of worrying so much about the poses themselves, I just came from that super authentic place and taught what was in my heart.

And it was spot ON.

From off the beaten path,

dena – Part Time Gypsy

Tags: Abundant Yogi, Amber Kinney, Brand Thyself, Hilary Rubin, Jessica Boylson-Fagonde, Kris Ward, Lifestyle Design

When the kids are away….

Mommy’s gonna play.  That’s RIIIIIIIGHT.

The kids and Johnny left on a Saturday afternoon for a week-long stay in California.  Which left me ALONE.  We called it DENA WEEK 2011.

I was incredibly nervous about this, I’m not going to lie.  WHAT would I do with myself?  Would I just worry about the girls so much I couldn’t enjoy myself?  Would I get lonely or bored?

It turns out that I actually do incredibly well all on my own.

I had all this TIME – to do exactly what I wanted, when I wanted.  So when I got home from the airport, I threw my lunch in the oven to warm up and took 30 minutes to pick up the house, take out the trash and generally get my space to feeling just right.

After lunch, since it was the most beautiful day EVER, I headed out for a hike in the foothills.  I forgot how fast I can actually walk when I walk on my own.

These shoes were made for walkin'...

With the sun on my face and the lightest of breezes in my hair, I walked for over an hour.  I was actually a little tired when I finally got back to the car.  I haven’t really exercised much since sometime in June, so it was really nice to stretch my legs and get my blood and breath pumping again.

At some point on my hike, I realized the most amazing thing too – I wasn’t THINKING.  At all.  I had nothing to think about.  There was no one to care for, absolutely NOTHING that I had to do.  It was just me and it was a gloriously free feeling.

That evening I went out for a fancy-schmancy dinner with Johnny’s aunt, uncle and cousin.  I got to get dressed up.  I was on time without rushing.  I didn’t have to hurry home to relieve the baby-sitter.  However, the fact that I got home by 8:30 was sooooo fine by me.  I curled up in my coziest (aka NOT sexy) jammies and read my book until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.  So ends Day One.

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday followed in much the same ways.  Wake up whenever I want, do what I want, etc.  It was awesome.  And what was even MORE awesome was that I did NOT feel one bit guilty about it.

I found that with my family away, and the freedom to think only of myself and my needs and wants, I could totally relax, rest, rejuvenate.  They were all in someone else’s (very capable) hands.  But it made me wonder, WHY would I feel guilty?  More than a few people asked me if I felt that way – so it’s definitely expected.  But I don’t understand why.

My girls were having a GREAT time.  They were with Grandma and Grandpa going to the beach, the zoo, the aquarium, the pumpkin patch, and any other place they could think of to go.  They rarely wanted to talk to me and frankly, I was ok with that.  Johnny was doing his thing and we didn’t even need to check in that often.  Once in awhile it was nice to hear each other’s voice and know that everything was ok on the other end, but besides that, we all happily went along in our separate lives.

So why do so many people – especially MOMS – have so much trouble really kicking up their heals and having a great time when they FINALLY get some much deserved personal time and space?  Is it the need to always be in control – to be the responsible one, knowing they’re eating good food and sleeping well at night, that they’re safe from harm and learning their manners and ABC’s?  Is it the worry?  That something might happen if I’m not there?  Because yes, if they were to get in a car accident I am somehow going to jump out like Wonder Woman and pick up their car, carry it over to a safe spot and place it down gently out of harm’s way.

Or is it our own fears – our fear of being alone after so many years of being surrounded by noise, mess, chaos, and busy-ness?  That if we stop and have a moment’s peace, we’ll have to hear our own thoughts?

Hmmm….

Those five days I had to myself were such a treat.  I honestly wouldn’t trade them for anything.  I needed that time, to get back in touch with myself, to remember who I am and what I like.  To remember that I’m important too and that really, the only one who can take care of me, IS me.

The rest of my week went just as well as that first day.  I filled my time with Yoga, hikes, church, girls’ night, books, chick-flicks, cleaning, organizing, and journaling.  Whatever I wanted, just when I wanted it.  I recommend you do the same.

From off the beaten path,

dena ~ Part Time Gypsy

From the air up there…

Every now and then you wake up to realize something.  Something that jolts you to your core.  Something that takes your breath away.  Something that you once knew, with all your heart and soul…. and conveniently forgot.

Of course waking up with this jolt while you’re 1,00o feet in the air maybe isn’t the ideal time or place.

Let me start at the beginning.  Saturday morning began like any other.  Breakfast and coffee, talking and cuddles, and then a quick loading up to head to the pumpkin patch.

About 20 minutes after loading our selves and enough gear to survive the apocalypse (we would have been okay had we gotten lost in the corn maze, I assure you), we arrived.

The corn maze has 3 entrances – the small, medium and large.  They range from  .25 miles to over 4 miles long.  We opted for the shortest and then even took a few tentative steps into the medium before someone cried “HUNGRY!” and we backed  out the way we had come in.

Lucy in the hay bale maze. She just jumped over the walls. Gotta love it!

In the corn maze!

After the corn maze, it was on to the bouncy things.  The girls love these, but then what kid doesn’t?  Fling yourself up, down, around, and through the air without a care as to where you land?  Sounds pretty bone-jarring to me personally.  Must be an age thing.

Helping little sis up to the top.

Wheeeeeeeeee!

What pumpkin patch would be complete without the tractor-pulled barrel train?  Definitely NOT lucy’s favorite as she had to SIT and be STILL.

There were of course a few opportunities for some silly pictures…

Notice Lucy is trying to climb THROUGH the cutout?

I think the favorite for both girls was the swings.  They giggled and squealed and threw back their heads and arms in pure joy.  And it gave me one of my best pictures I think.

Like that last one?  Yeah, me too.  I can’t believe I caught it so perfectly.

There was a petting zoo at the pumpkin patch and I expected the normal stuff – goats, sheep, cows, maybe a pony or a horse.  Well, they had all of those, and a few unexpected surprises…

A baby kangaroo!!

A baby camel!

And a baby zebra!

If you happen to be into exotic pets, get a baby kangaroo.  They are the softest, sweetest, most adorable things I’ve ever seen.  And then when they’re big enough to kick the living sh!t out of you, take them to a nice zoo or back to Australia.

After the animals, we were getting short on time so it was off to the pumpkin patch for our pumpkins.  While we waited for the tractor to come back for us, we stopped at the giant corn box.

The girls could have stayed here for hours.  I love that the more simple the entertainment/toy, the happier they are.  Lucy was fascinated by how the corn moved through her fingers and shifted around as she tried to dig a hole.  There’s no goal, nothing but the moment and the pure enjoyment of what is.

I enjoyed their enjoyment, the soft sunlight on their cheeks and in their hair.  Their happy smiles of contentment.  Their moments of peace amidst the chaos – they heard nothing.

As soon as the tractor returned, it was off to the pumpkin patch.  We loaded up for the girls’ first hayrack ride.  I think they enjoyed it.  It was hard to tell as they were busy munching on popcorn.

"Dat's HEABY!"

It’s fun to see the ways your kids’ personalities start shining through.  I would have assumed that Ivy would want a “perfect” pumpkin – round-ish and all orange with a nice stem.  I was wrong.  She found an oblong one and really wanted one that still had green on it.  And no stem.  That part was important.  She’s definitely a child who knows exactly what she wants and doesn’t compromise.  My job as a parent is to nurture that beautiful spirit and individuality – not always easy of course, but I’ll keep trying.

Ivy's perfect pumpkin.

Time to head back...

So, you might think that was the end of our oh-so-perfect day, but it turned out that was only a really good start.  From the pumpkin patch we headed over to our friends’ house nearby to drop the girls off for a playdate.  Our friends have 3 girls – ages 5, 3, and 9 months.  You can imagine the fun to be had there!

While they were happily playing with rolly-polies and jumping on the trampoline, Johnny and I took off for a little “us” time.  Did we go to a movie?  Head out for our favorite restaurant?  Maybe catch a live performance or go for a long hike?  No, no, and no.  Johnny had something a little different in mind.

That’s right.  A helicopter ride.  My 2nd in my life and my 1st with him.  I was PSYCHED!

This is where that breathtaking jolt comes in…

Looking east/northeast toward Boise and the foothills.

We headed S/SW toward the Owyhee Mountains and Owyhee Reservoir.  The land is rugged, beautiful, remote, rocky, and spectacular.  I shot some video which I hope to put together soon for you – but videography is NOT one of my stronger skills so it may take awhile.

It was while we were up there, in our little bubble in the sky that the realization hit me.  I LOVE to fly.  Always have.  I’ve wanted to be a pilot since 7th grade – maybe sooner but that’s when I really remember making that decision.

That’s the year Top Gun came out – yes, Top Gun.  And like every other kid (well, most kids anyway, and mostly boys I think) I wanted to be a fighter pilot.  In 7th grade I really had no idea what that meant or what I’d have to do to achieve such a lofty goal, but that was it.  I was going to fly jets.  Really. FAST. Jets.

I had good grades and I worked at keeping them up.  I knew that would help (or at least couldn’t hurt).  And then sometime in high school I went to meet with the Air Force recruiter.  At the time there were no women fighter pilots, but that was slowly changing.  There were other flying opportunities and by the time I was actually ready to go through training, that would hopefully be a reality.  I took their test and aced it.  I went through a full interview with this guy and was pretty sure I was IN.  Until he asked one last question…

“You have perfect eyesight, right?”

“No.”

I explained to him that I wore contacts, but was corrected to 20/20.  He said fighter pilots had to have perfect vision, so that was not an option for me and at that point they didn’t accept any corrective surgeries.  But no worries he told me, all the other flight positions only require 20/200 so it shouldn’t be a big deal.  And again – by the time I’m ready to train, maybe they’d accept Lasik.

But my vision was 20/700.

He laughed at me.

I don’t think he meant to, it just came out.  Maybe he thought I was joking or maybe he’d never heard such a high number.  My vision was so poor that not only could I not fly, I could not even join the military.

I was crushed.  Humiliated.  And… lost.  This was what I had thought I was going to do for a few years now and it was taken away from me.  Now I know that 14 or 15 is still early enough to make a new plan, but it didn’t feel that way at the time.  I didn’t know what else to do.  So I gave up.  Yup.  I just said screw it and quit caring about my grades and working hard.  Dumb move I know, but hey, I wasn’t the brightest sometimes.

This lasted all of about a year before I pulled my head out of my a$$ and realized that there were probably other things I could do or other routes I could take.  By the time I was a senior I had decided that I was going to be a commercial pilot and go through the program recently started at K-State Salina.  I was all signed up and ready to go.  We went over to the campus for the tour and they started explaining the curriculum.  Math, more math, some other kind of math, weather (!?!) and some higher math.  Oh sh!t.  I panicked.  I was sure I couldn’t handle that.  I’m not sure why because I’m not stupid, but I talked myself right out of that.  Totally convinced myself that I’d never be able to succeed as a pilot.

For many years I put flying out of my head.  Hard to do in my family.  My dad built and flies a Velocity, my brother just bought his 2nd plane a few months ago, Johnny worked on planes in the Coast Guard for 3 years… but I just ignored it all and kept my head down and focused on what I was doing.

Then I went for a ride.  Up there it’s like I can breathe, the whole world opens up.  It’s quiet and peaceful (especially with a really good headset. ), you get that view of Earth that reminds you how ridiculously small and insignificant you are while at the same time how connected and intertwined you are with every single thing you see.  And from up there, that’s quite a lot.

So I had one of those pivotal moments.  A moment that reminded me I want to fly.  I’ve always wanted to fly.  Probably since my first rides in my dad’s Cessna.  Although to this day I still can’t smell aviation fuel without smelling barfed up banana too…

I realized how much FEAR had controlled my life, my decisions and that I hadn’t been true to myself for a really, really, long time.

Coincidentally, I had to write out my goals for the quarter and the year for my job.  We’re going to discuss them tomorrow morning.  So I updated them with this entry:

~ Start helicopter pilot training

And for a longer term goal (5 to 10 years or so):

~ Buy this helicopter…

Can’t wait to see the checkmarks in front of those.  :)

Oh, and just to round out this post – here’s another picture of the Corn Maze––from the air up there…

What would you do if you knew you could not fail??

From off the beaten path,

dena – Part Time Gypsy

 

 

 

 

 

Tags: Corn Maze, Flying, Helicopter, Linder Farms, Pumpkin Patch

One Year Ago…

Sometimes life just gets in the way of telling the stories about life.  That’s been me lately.  I spend more time in front of the computer than I really care for so my desire to sit here and write has dwindled.  I apologize.  I appreciate you sticking with me though and waiting for inspiration to strike again.

October 1st is a pretty special day for us.  I’d thought I’d celebrate it by breaking out the computer and typing up a quick blog so you can share in our joy.

Heading to Boise. September 27, 2010

That was us one year ago as we packed up everything we owned and headed down the road 1300 miles to Boise.  Today marks one year that we have lived here now.  It’s been a big year.

Johnny’s on his way back today from his final pilot training course in California.  He’s now officially a commercial helicopter pilot.

Johnny, somewhere in the Owyhees, courtesy Saun Powell

The girls are a year older.  We’re navigating the new-to-us world of public school and the not-as-new-to-us world of potty training.

I’m busy working at a job I love and squeezing is as much Yoga as possible.

This week we sold our business.  I can’t begin to explain what a scary yet relieved feeling that brings on.

Next week Lucy turns 2.

What does the next year hold?  Well, it’s always hard to tell for sure, but at this point it appears it will include trips to Mexico, Costa Rica, and Bali…

Yup.  Looks like it’s going to be another good year.  And my plan is to continue writing about all the adventures here.

Thanks for stickin’ with me.

From off the beaten path,

dena – Part Time Gypsy

A book for the yogis and the moms…and anyone else really

Every now and then I find a book that I think is worth commenting on.  A can’t-put-it-down-even-though-dinner’s-burning-and-the-baby-smells-funny kind of book.

I’ve actually been avoiding this one out of pure snobbery.  My first thought was that someone was trying to copy-cat Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love, and maybe she was.  Whatever.  It worked.  It is AWESOME.

Poser
My life in 23 Yoga Poses
by Claire Dederer

You don’t have to be a yogi to enjoy this book, although if you do happen to have an interest in yoga, she discusses poses, meditation, pranayama, the Sutras, K. Pattabhi Jois, Iyengar, Richard Freeman, Vinyasa, Ashtanga, and many other yoga-ish topics.  She covers them well, but without being in any way boring or dry.

This book is for moms too.  Especially any mom who has ever felt inadequate and like they don’t have all of the answers.  What?  That’s all of us?  Oh do tell…

She talks about not one but TWO extremely traumatic births – complete with weeks spent in NICU.  She talks about her feeling of inferiority for not co-sleeping or nursing until her babies were two.  She talks about wanting to work and still be HER and the guilt she felt for doing it.  In short, she talked about being a MOM, who constantly wonders if she’s doing this right.

She ignored her husband’s growing depression and her own growing unhappiness and dove head first in Yoga.  And it saved her life.  After years of misery, they left their old life and made one anew – and found their own way into a life that worked for them.  (Funny, sounds a bit like yours truly, doesn’t it?)

So here are the things I especially love about this book – all the Yoga stuff.  I learned SO much from her, and I’ve studied Yoga for like, 16 years!  She made it easily digestible and memorable and related it well to her own story.  I really connected with her mommy woes.  Especially the feelings of guilt for still wanting to have a fucking LIFE after you have children.  I mean, what’s so wrong with that?

She tries so hard to be like the other moms in her circle – co-sleeping, nursing well into toddler years, hand preparing all organic baby foods and buying all organic cloth diapers and clothes and toys, reading all the books and joining the right co-op so her child would be the smartest kid and go to an Ivy League school…but these things don’t work for her.  They don’t make her happy.  That is not how SHE is meant to live her life.  And then the guilt sets in.

This book flows beautifully between her yoga practice, her present-which is fraught with pressures of being a new mom, trying to work part time, dealing with family that’s just a little too close, and a husband who grows more distant by the day; and her past with its trials and completely unconventional living arrangement.  She links these together like an effortless Vinyasa, flowing – one story to the next, connected by the breath.

If you have read this or eventually do, please share with us your thoughts on it.  Did it resonate with you?  I’d love to hear how it affected you.

From off the beaten path,

dena – Part Time Gypsy

Tags: Claire Dederer, Poser

Unplugging to Plug In

“Find your breath and really tune into its rhythm.  Use this time, this practice to really plug in…to your SELF, to your LIFE.”

These were the opening words of my yoga teacher at Saturday’s level II/III class.  As we become present and aware of THIS moment, the one right NOW, all stress, worry, excitement, anticipation, and regret simply melt away.  When we are truly present, we can’t worry about what’s coming or feel regret for what’s been done.  Those no longer exist.  Our mind cannot create fictional dramas and stories about things that haven’t even occurred when it is intent on this moment and all that is ACTUALLY happening.

In our busy, modern lives where we drive down the road, talk on the phone, talk to the kids in the back, think about the list of to-do to be checked off and drink our soy latte, we miss a LOT.  We are completely tuned out from the present moment.  We don’t notice the beauty of the flowers and trees we drive by, or the neighbor waving at us as we drive down the street.  We don’t hear our child’s story about their day at school nor do we hear our friend’s plea for help because she’s up to her ears in debt and still jobless.  We only get part of each experience.  Hopefully we don’t miss the big stuff — the red light.  The child running for his ball.  The biker headed to work.

As my life has gotten busier with Johnny’s work and school, our business, our children and now my job too, I’ve found myself in this situation many times.  And I finally realized it had become a real problem when I blatantly drove through a red light the other morning — on my way to Yoga.

So these words that my teacher uttered were pure magic to me.  I could feel the rush of pure relief as I realized that I too had succumbed to the multi-tasking madness that has gripped our society.

I had been thinking and day dreaming about something and totally not paying attention to where I was at or where I was going.  And I headed right through that red light.  Lucky for me no one else was there, but that’s no excuse.  Someone could have been.  I could have had my children with me.  It’s seriously time to do some focusing.

The reality of my situation made me ache.  I felt jittery all over for quite awhile as my mind fought with me to continue its rambling story about…. whatever it had been thinking about.  I realized how disconnected I had become, constantly thinking, planning, dreaming, instead of listening, looking, hearing, seeing.

Throughout the yoga class Lori reminded us to breathe.  She reminded us to feel the soles of our feet, the crown of our head, the tips of our fingers, the breath as it moved.  She challenged us to hold poses that cannot be held if your focus wavers — Twisted Half Moon, One Armed Crow.  She had us do Pranayama (breathwork) that will literally leave you breathless if you’re not completely tuned in and aware of your body.  And by the end I found that grounded peace that only comes when you are truly HERE.  Right now.  It made me realize how often lately I’ve had that tight-chested fluttery feeling and that every time I did it was a sign that I was not grounded, that instead my head was somewhere in the clouds.

I know there are many things to blame for this behavior, this habit, this ADDICTION.  My cell phone and computer are prime suspects number one.  I’m on them or am checking them all the time.  I have to see if someone sent an email while I wait in the chiropractor’s office.  When I’m home, I’ll check my computer every time I walk by it.  Compulsive, OCDish behavior.  But I’m not alone.  Most people have become this way and we’ve become this nation of people who have no fucking clue what’s going on around them and end up doing stupid shit like running red lights because they’re imagining what their date that night is going to be like or worrying that they said something stupid at the last date and that maybe they won’t call back…

So what can we do about this epidemic?  Strong word?  No I really don’t think so.  Let’s just look at cell phone related problems.  Cell phones cause 2,600 deaths and 330,000 accidents per year.  And that’s just phones.  What about the people thinking and dreaming and drinking their coffee?

All of us have been guilty of at least one of these things at some point.  And not just while driving.  What about at dinner time?  How many people answer the phone or send texts or emails at dinner?  At least we have stopped this ugly habit.  Johnny and I do not use our phones or computers during dinner.  Period.  So if you call, yes, you will be ignored.  Sorry.  We’ll call you back later.

But how many other times during the day do we pop on our computers (or phones) just to check email really fast and while we’re there we’ll pop over to Facebook and oh, I’d better check on that new movie coming out with Robert Downey Jr.  All done while I was supposed to be playing Go Fish with my daughter.  Pathetic.  But that’s our lives.  We have information overload and the only cure is to UNPLUG from everything so that we can PLUG IN to our SELF, our LIFE, our FAMILY, our PRESENT.

So that’s what we did this weekend.  We unplugged.  It was amazing.  It was everything we needed.  It could have been longer, but I’ll take whatever I can get, and will definitely plan for more.

We decided to take the girls on their first camping trip.  Ivy has been camping before but it’s been so long she doesn’t remember and this was Lucy’s first.  Johnny packed up while I was at Yoga and then the bridal shower afterwards.  By the time I got home I just had to throw together my clothes and we were ready to go.

We started driving north on 55 to Cascade and the reservoir there.  It’s a beautiful drive that follows the Payette River which is running fast and high right now.  Rafters and kayakers could be seen all over the river.  Sometimes the water almost seemed to flow backwards because it was slamming into so many rocks and being forced to find a new way around.  The canyon winds up into the mountains and then opens up before you get to the lake.  The high peaks are still covered with snow and you’ve left the lower desert lands of the valley for the tall trees of the forest.  It’s magical and I might add–definitely helpful for someone working on staying present and aware.

Our camping expedition was super fun.  I got some great pictures of the highlights…

Time for dinner!

Trying out the tent.

Just hangin’ out…

Picking wildflowers.

Trying to hit mom with a stick.

My littlest angel.

Everybody say CHEESE!

Oh look!  There IS a mom in this family…

13 years and still in love!

The loves of my life.

Can’t have a campout without the campfire!

What was amazing to both Johnny and I was the amount of time it took us to really “shake it off”.  To feel okay being disconnected.  To not look at our phone or computer for a whole 24 hours.  To not talk or think about work.  To simply be… with our selves, each other, and our girls.  To be silly and playful, to walk slowly with Lucy, to pick wildflowers and throw rocks.  To eat when hungry instead of at “dinner time”, to stay up until we fell asleep, to wake up when we naturally did.  It was a good sign that we did shake it off within just a couple of hours and had a blast.  The weather was perfect — that cool, crisp, mountain air makes for good sleeping.  We could here the creek running in the distance.  And the joy of the girls as they ran and played, jumped, explored, screeched, and got dirty without us correcting them and nagging them, was absolutely the best part.

And we discovered a new hobby that will definitely force you to be totally PLUGGED IN and FOCUSED….

SLACKLINING!!

I got to where I could stand and get one foot around from the back to the front before I lost it.  I even did a tree pose once.  My goal is to hula-hoop on it someday.  It’s absolutely addictive.  I’m so excited to get out and try it again.  Ivy gave it a whirl too — she could do a great sideways shuffle until she fell one time and then took it easier.  But these pictures show the pure joy and fun that she was experience being PRESENT.  Kids can teach us so much.

Ellsworth Fire — June 19th, 2011

They say God works in mysterious ways and that there’s a reason for everything that happens.

For Mark and Josie Roehrman of my little home town of Ellsworth, Kansas, the reasons for this weekend’s events are not obvious I’m sure.  I’m sure they’re wondering WHY?

That’s a big question.  One that no one can answer.  But we’re going to go ahead and see the beauty of it.  We’re going to see the GIFT that has been offered to each of us.

On Sunday, June 19th, 2011, Mark and Josie were sleeping in their apartment in the basement of Ellsworth’s Independent/Reporter building.  This is a beautiful old 2-story building that dates back to sometime in the 1800′s.  Mark and Josie own the building and lived in the basement while they were renovating the 2nd story to be their loft apartment.  The main floor was home to the offices of the local newspaper – The Independent/Reporter as well as Mark’s work shop for his construction company.

They awoke to the sound of the fire alarms going off.  They ran out through the smoke and escaped safely to the street with nothing but the clothes on their backs.

Everything else stayed behind.

The wallets and keys.  The clothes.  The pictures and treasured family mementos.

They’re all under SIX FEET of water now.

Photo by Angie Rider-Doubrava

Photo by Angie Rider-Doubrava

The building’s a total loss and the buildings on either side of it suffered damage too.  Torkelson’s Chiropractic is closed for an undetermined amount of time as they clean up and make repairs from smoke and water damage.  True Value to the south had something like an inch of water standing in the store.

For a small town like Ellsworth (population about 2,500) this is a huge blow.  As trucks came in from Lincoln, Great Bend, Kanopolis, Hays, Sylvan, Wilson, and Holyrood, to help fight the fire, a crowd of hundreds gathered to watch in shock.

Mark and Josie are dearly loved residents of Ellsworth–lovers of its people and its history.  They have been some of the main forces in rebuilding the downtown, getting grant money and other funds to beautify the city, bringing in the Drover’s National Museum, and they own the best darn little coffee shop and ice cream parlor a small town could ask for.

Being the generous people they are, they’ve given us a GIFT.

They have given us an OPPORTUNITY you see, one to GIVE, to be GENEROUS.  And it truly is a gift to US because although they will receive cash to help replace the goods that were lost in the fire, we will receive the pleasure of GIVING.  We also get this opportunity to remember what it means to be a community, to reach out to those around us and give them “the shirt off our back”.  I may not live in Ellsworth anymore, but a piece of my heart will always be there, knitted deeply into the strands of the community that raised me.

The more we reach out and give to others, the stronger and richer, in every sense of those two words, our own lives become.
~Bill Phillips

SO HOW CAN YOU HELP??

Their friends have opened up an account for this purpose at First Bank Kansas.  To help, all you have to do is drop off your donation to any First Bank location and ask them to please deposit it in Mark and Josie’s account.  Click here to go to their website to find the branch nearest you or mail them to:

First Bank Kansas
120 W 2nd Street
Ellsworth, KS 67439

If you’d like to send them a note (which I know they’d love), their address is:

Mark & Josie Roehrman
210 N Douglas Ave
Ellsworth, KS 67439

From off the beaten path,

dena – Part Time Gypsy

Everyday Divinity

 

 

 

Everyday Divinity.

Here’s a blog after my own heart.  The cute play on the word Namaste~Mammaste.  Talking about finding the Divine in the Everyday.  It’s amazing.  It’s perfect.  I hope you enjoy!

From off the beaten path,

dena – Part Time Gypsy