I'm Back

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve logged in.  I almost forgot my password.  My really super secret one.  For real.  It’s harder to remember than my passwords for my bank accounts.  I guess I’d rather someone logged in and stole my money than stole my thoughts.

Since the last post, life has been good.  There’ve been ups and downs for sure – the normal things in family life.  New words (actually – pronounced AHK-SHOOLEY), new bumps (right on the noggin!), new skills (reading), and a few new decisions (to move to a cheaper place).

Life as mom is like an obstacle course – up, down, over, through, under, now swim!  Ok, run, crawl, shimmy, DUCK! And fall on the ground panting at the end savoring the bumps, bruises, scraped knees, and screaming muscles.

Not that MY life is EVER that physical.  I only use that as a metaphor for the way I’m always changing gears.  First we’re playing, then we’re fighting, then we’re loving, then we’re hungry, then we’re poopy, back to playing and oh, now we’re tired….

It’s a game of trying to always stay one step ahead.  And most days I do alright.

I’ve found several tools along the way that are a tremendous help.

Simple Mom

She’s funny, she’s sweet, she’s simple, and she has fantastic ideas for not only surviving, but enjoying this job we call motherhood.  She’s a little drop of sanity in my crazy soup.

Me Time

This is essential.  I HAVE to have some me time.  It doesn’t really matter what I do with it – as long as it doesn’t involve the computer, my cell phone, laundry, or cleaning supplies – it is absolute HEAVEN.  I do yoga in the morning, followed by some inspirational reading and meditation.  Right now I’m working through Daily Om by Madisyn Taylor.  A great way to start off your day.  I squeeze in a little something in the afternoon – it’s very short, but maybe just a few deep breaths before starting up my computer for the afternoon work session.  The evenings are nice and quiet and I can find time to either journal or read.  Although I’m also happy to forgo the me time for a little us time with my hubby.

Friends

A day spent with friends is like water to a thirsty person.  It doesn’t matter what we do, it’s just so much more fun.  As all of us have gotten busier and busier and our gatherings have become fewer, I’ve realized just how important this togetherness is – to me AND to the kids.  The kids learn to play with others and share their toys.  They also get the adventure and excitement of playing with new toys, in a new place, or look at the old stuff in a whole new way.  Sometimes we have these get togethers on neutral territory so no one person is left with the aftermath and on those days there’s a whole new type of fun to be had.  And for the moms?  Total bliss.  The children laughing and screeching for joy while we enjoy each other’s company and conversation.  Sharing in our struggles and our wins, laughing through the rest because really, what else can ya do?

A JOB

This is another important part to my sanity.  I don’t think I really realized how good it is for me until today when my boss and I were chatting and talking about the stress that we were each dealing with in our lives at the moment.  Hers was mostly client related because she deals with them directly.  Mine was two-year old and lack of exercise related.  Totally different worlds.  So when I come to work and the aforementioned two-year old is sleeping peacefully in her crib, I heave a sigh of relief and relax a bit as I sit down to work.  The ability to use my brain and have someone else tell me what they want done (well, I guess I get that all day, but she doesn’t whine or scream at me at the top of her lungs) is a great respite from having long conversations that wind around from the doll’s latest get-up to what to feed dragons to how to properly play the game “Blast Off”.  It’s good for my brain and my self-esteem.  I remember there’s an intelligent adult somewhere under here.

Spiritual Study

This is something I’ve always done, though mostly alone.  Recently however, we have been lucky enough to find a wonderful group of people that we feel a deep connection with.  We go to church with them (WHAT?! ME – IN CHURCH!?! – Ok, more on that on my other blog The Drive Through Christian in a few days.  It should be a good one so be sure and check it out.), and then we have weekly small group meetings to just talk.  The topics vary and are chosen and presented by our pastor.  The kids are tucked in with a movie for the evening and the adults dig deep for the meaning of life.  It’s a great reminder that there’s something much larger out there, that we are loved in so many beautiful ways, and that others often struggle with the same things we do.  We’re truly not alone.  And if you’re interested, we’ve been going to the North End Collective Church.  They have a website and a podcast.

So this is what I’ve been doing.  What my family has been doing.  We’ve found a rhythm that feels good to us, that supports our needs and wants, that allows growth.  That provides structure as well as space for spontaneity.  Unfortunately, I’ve left blogging out of that ensemble.  I didn’t mean to and I’ve realized of late that I DEARLY miss it.  It was my go-to for creativity, for releasing pent-up feelings, ideas, and frustrations, and I just let it fall to the side like an old used sock.

What I’ve realized is that those things – creativity, feelings, ideas, and frustrations – if they’re not released, they just build up inside of us.  And I was starting to feel like I might just BURST open if I didn’t start letting some of them out.  So this is my attempt to start doing that again.  To allow myself to create, to take my pen to paper (or my fingers to keys as it were) and see where they take me.

I once learned a phrase that has stuck with me – “I’m Back”.  I was taught to use it anytime my head was spinning in the clouds and I was feeling overwhelmed.  It’s useful for grounding yourself and getting back into the moment, for reminding yourself of where you’re at and what you’re doing RIGHT NOW.  It’s also known that you will use this over and over and over again, because no matter how many times you come back, you will also stray away.  It’s an ebb and flow.  So, I’m Back.  Again.

Do you ever feel like there’s something inside of you – just waiting to come out?  Are you BURSTING at the seams?  Share it.  We’d all love to hear about it.

Thanks for still being here,

Dena

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